Networking When You Hate Networking

Let's just say it out loud.

Networking feels gross.

The forced small talk at events. The awkward LinkedIn messages to strangers. The whole "put yourself out there" advice that makes you want to crawl under your desk instead.

If that's you, I need you to hear this:

There is nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You're not bad at this. You just haven't been given a version of networking that actually fits how you operate.

I hear this from clients constantly. Smart, accomplished professionals who have no problem leading a team meeting or presenting to executives. But the second someone says "you need to network more," they shut down.

And I get it. Because most networking advice sounds like: go to events, hand out business cards, follow up with everyone, rinse and repeat.

That works for maybe 10% of people. The rest of us need a different playbook.

The Real Cost of Avoiding Networking

Here's what I see with my clients who skip networking altogether:

• They apply to hundreds of roles online.

• They get lost in the pile.

• They wonder why their resume isn't landing when they know they're qualified.

Meanwhile, someone with half their experience gets the interview because they had a connection on the inside.

That's not unfair. That's just how hiring works now. Referrals and internal recommendations move faster than cold applications. Every time.

So when you avoid networking, you're not just missing out on conversations. You're missing out on the roles you never even hear about.

And the longer that goes on, the more it chips away at your confidence. You start thinking the problem is you. It's not. The problem is the strategy.

What Actually Works (Even If You're an Introvert)

One of my clients came to me completely stuck. She'd been applying online for months with almost nothing coming back. Her resume was strong. Her experience was right. But she was invisible in the process.

We shifted her approach. Instead of applying cold, she started doing one simple thing: reaching out to people already at companies she was interested in. Not to ask for a job. Just to learn. To ask questions. To build a small, genuine connection.

No scripts. No awkward elevator pitches. Just real conversations.

Within a few weeks, someone she'd connected with at one of her target companies gave her a heads up about a role that was opening. Two full weeks before it was posted.

She applied early, already had a warm introduction, and landed the job.

That's networking. Not working a room. Not collecting contacts. Just being intentional about who you talk to and why.

1. Start With Companies, Not People

Pick 5 to 10 companies you'd actually want to work at. Then find one or two people there whose roles are close to what you want. That's your list. Small and focused beats broad and random every time.

You're not trying to meet 50 people. You're trying to meet the right 5.

2. Lead With Curiosity, Not a Request

Don't open with "are you hiring?" Open with "I'd love to hear what your experience has been like at [company]."

People love talking about themselves. Let them. Ask about the culture, the team, what they enjoy. You'll learn things you'd never find in a job description, and you'll be memorable because most people skip this step entirely.

I'll call this your "Curiosity Mindset".

3. Have a Go-To Message Template

One of the biggest barriers to networking is staring at a blank message box and not knowing what to say. So take that decision off your plate.

Here's a simple template that works:

"Hi [Name], I came across your profile and noticed you're at [Company]. I'm currently exploring opportunities in [field/function] and would love to hear about your experience there. Would you be open to a quick 15 minute chat? No pressure at all, I just really appreciate the insight."

It's short. It's respectful of their time. And it works because it doesn't ask for a job. It asks for a conversation.

4. Follow Up Like a Human

If someone gives you 15 minutes of their time, send a genuine thank you. Reference something specific they said. That alone puts you ahead of 90% of people who never follow up at all.

And don't disappear after one conversation. Check in a few weeks later. Share an article they might like. Congratulate them on a work milestone. Relationships are built over time, not in a single message.

5. Think Long Game

Not every conversation leads to a job.

• Some lead to a referral six months from now.

• Some lead to an introduction you didn't expect.

• Some lead to additional knowledge in the industry you can use in interviews.

• Some lead to nothing visible, and that's okay.

You're planting seeds, not pulling levers. The client who landed that role? She didn't get there from one message. She got there because she showed up consistently and built trust before she needed anything.

6. Set a Weekly Networking Rhythm

Just like job applications, networking works best when it's consistent, not when it's a panic response to a dry pipeline.

Try this: two new outreach messages per week and one follow up with someone you've already talked to. That's it. Three small actions. Doable even on the weeks where you have zero energy.

The Bottom Line

Networking doesn't require you to be outgoing. It doesn't require you to love small talk. It doesn't require you to be someone you're not.

It requires you to be intentional. And those are two very different things.

If this is the part of your job search that's been holding you back, I built something for you.

👉 Grab my free Network Like a Pro guide to get the exact framework I walk my clients through, step by step. It includes message templates, a networking tracker, and a system that works even if you're an introvert who'd rather do literally anything else.

You've got this. And I'm always here if you want to talk through it.

💛 Alyssa

P.S. If you're in the thick of a job search and feeling stuck, I'd love to help. My 1:1 coaching is designed for exactly this. Getting clear, staying strategic, and landing the right role without losing yourself in the process. Let's talk.

Thanks for reading Rise & Shine by Rise Up Career Coaching.

This newsletter is for high-performing professionals who feel stuck, overlooked, or unsure of their next move — and want a clearer, smarter way to navigate the modern job market.

Here, I share real talk about:

• Getting clear on what you actually want next

• Navigating job searches without mass applying

• Networking in ways that actually lead to conversations

• Interviewing with confidence (even if you’re rusty)

• Negotiating offers without leaving money or opportunity on the table

The job market has changed, but most career advice hasn’t. I’m here to help you stop guessing and start moving forward with clarity and strategy.

I'm here to change that.

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ALYSSA BAILEY is a Certified Professional Career Coach who helps high-performing professionals get unstuck and land roles that match who they are now. With 15+ years of corporate experience, she’s guided clients through career transitions, interviews, and negotiations — helping them turn experience into opportunity.

If you’re done waiting for clarity or the “right time,” this is your sign.

Your next role won’t come from working harder. It comes from having the right strategy.

Let’s make your next move — intentionally.

P.S. If you’ve been thinking about making a change “someday,” remember: clarity doesn’t come from waiting. It comes from action.

Let's make your next move. Contact me today.

To read past Rise & Shine newsletters, you can find them here.